Human Lives & the Way of Energy
Love is a dance, and the lessons of life we learn on the karma wheel are a dance that lasts for as long or short a time as required to become unconditionally loving beings and return to the Creator. How long is the life pattern of a fallen angel - how quickly does any being learn?
What I have learned over the years, and from my memories, is that I have not had many lifetimes on this planet, and that I am only called for very special tasks. I do not find this of many other Children of Light that I have met - yes, that is what the angels call us when give up our demonic status - each of us learns at our own pace just as humans do, but we always feel different from the others around us, and sometimes we do not understand how they think, or why they think the way they do. It can be isolating to be without 'family' among the human collective, and that sense of isolation can force us to seek out others of the same mind - but not necessarily the same 'heart'.
For all of the fifty-five lifetimes I have lived (and I remember them all) I have not always been good. Making the agreement to work for Light does not automatically mean you remember the rules in each lifetime. Or worse, you remember them so well you break them constantly, for often they no longer make any sense. For a Child of Light is not bound by his or her conscience, and is lucky to have a balanced one at all. Most are born either without one, or with one so strong that any transgression is a heartbreaking and demoralising experience. In the end we must learn to temper it, just as a human does, to know how to react in confusing situations without doing harm on any level, and to learn to accept our differences, or hide them from ourselves and others. In all cases hiding from ourselves leads to grief, because the call of our dual nature is so strong that it cannot be denied. It is very easy to go into the dark without realising why you are doing it.
Being a Child of Light means existing in a shadow world, neither fully in the Light nor fully in the Dark, and although you are less hampered by the restrictions that an angelic being works under, you are just as aware of them. You can interfere where Angels 'refuse to walk', and that has its advantages, because you can help in situations where human free will stops angelic assistance. You are very good at rescuing lost souls, even when you don't want to know anything about the paranormal, because you live in both worlds, but this also means that you are far more energy affected than the average human.
A Child of Light finds itself swinging and swaying as the mood of the world, or the section you live in, shifts and changes. And you won't know why. You can blame your horoscope (that time of the year you chose for your 'birth'), the sun, or lack of it, the wind, the season, but in truth, it is the shifting tides of human emotions that have the most profound effect. You are a psychic sponge, even after you learn how to use energy shields. But that has its advantages too. Some of the best psychic vampires I have ever met are Children of Light.
Imagine walking into a space and clearing it of negative energy just by being there. Imagine doing it to people. I have done both consciously. Unconsciously it can be an exhausting and demoralising experience, and is often the first reason why COLs choose to have a hermit-like existence.
One of my more unpleasant past life memories is one in which I was truly in the dark. I was an energy worker, a witch, who happily destroyed lives, people, crops, animals and anything else in my way. It was during the Middle Ages and some of my 'light' family from that time are back with me now as we work out the karma of the experience. I was not a nice woman. I hated where I could have loved, and the nicest thing I did in that lifetime was to die. Isn't that something wonderful for a child to remember?
The part of the life I remember most clearly is my death, truly deserved. First I was stoned, chained up against an old mossy brick wall, my hands held up above my head, and then they took my unconscious body and tied it to a stake and stacked kindling around me. I woke up to the crackling of flame and Hated them all, and inhaled their energy, their vital source, and took into me their fear and hatred of what I was, and then I died. I think someone shot an arrow through my heart, right at the moment when I would have flung back at them everything that they had been feeling towards me. I thank God for the action of one brave person, for he, or she, saved me and themselves, and for that I will love them forever. I took that negativity with me into Heaven, into healing, where we all go when we die, and left them all staggering around in shock and horror at what they had done - for they did not remember the hatred I had inspired in them. And that was the blessing.
It is 'memories' and subconscious messages such as that that make it hard for some people to live in the world - and this is the same for humans and COLs. Our past lives have more affect on us than most people give them credit. They are part of the pattern that defines who we are as a person today, and as we work through the issues around each of them, helps to define who we will become in the future. When you can do the work consciously you can learn from it more efficiently, but often we 'dream' the experiences, reliving memories of other lives in sleeping, in meditation and in flashbacks that affect us only for a moment, and are sometimes seen as part of the déjà vu experience. In choosing to access our memories we open doors into change, a vital part of the human learning process without which we stagnate, and as I wrote earlier, stagnation is a state that is usually ended by a spiritual 'kick in the backside'.
And so we come back to Love and the Karma cycle. Some people believe that 'God' punishes us by giving us lives of trial and hardship, but this is not so - for the Creator gave us all free will and in doing so took away its ability to choose the patterns that we live. One of the harder lessons for most of us is accepting responsibility for everything that has happened in our lives. We can accept the joys and good times, but when it comes to those things that challenge us, we all want to have someone else to blame. Well, victims are not responsible for what is done to them, but neither can they change the situation, until they seize their lives back and change their reality. This takes courage and strength, something that every person automatically has - as a spiritual being. Fallen angels prefer to remember themselves as victims of Samael's deceit, but how could we have been, when every being in spirit knows the thoughts of all the others? So there is their dilemma, and why they choose individuality when they fall, because it allows them to hide from others even as they are hiding from themselves.
The way of Love's dance is no different for COLs. They have chosen to walk the path of humans and learn from the karma cycle. They choose the experiences of their lives, the high points and the low, and just as with humans, how they react to them is how fast they learn. When they react from anger they defeat themselves, but when they temper fear with thought, they advance quickly. As they learn responsibility for their actions, reactions and thoughts they open themselves to unblocking their energetic capabilities, for these abilities are contained behind doors that require keys. The key to any doorway is Love, and so as they learn all the aspects of Love the doors open and they find different parts of their spiritual selves waiting to be acknowledged and integrated. The opening of a door can lead to a period of confusion as they try to assimilate something they have not been expecting. Even those who have not chosen to be 'psychic' in that part of their life will often wake up with abilities they have no understanding of - because the gifts are there to be used, and cannot be denied, and because as COLs they have chosen to help humanity, they must.
So what happens to free will? We use it to choose our path before we come into each lifetime - the journey we intend to take and the lessons we will learn during the years. We are free to exercise it during each lifetime, in choosing the one path or another when life changes direction. The only difference between us and humanity is that we have made a commitment to be ourselves and to help others, and we are asked to remember that always by our angels and guides. When a COL does not want to work for humanity in a lifetime they suffer from guilt and fear. They feel confused and lost and long to reach outside themselves and connect to people, even though their life experiences might have taught them not to trust. They struggle with themselves, seeking healing from everywhere and everyone, until one or more of the keys within them is turned. Then they seek peace and hide for a while as they attempt to integrate the information that is flowing through their energy fields - but if they cannot find this peace, or will not allow themselves to 'give and receive' then they become very unhappy - for Love, and life, is a process of giving and receiving and only fear of ourselves and others will stop the movement of the dance - the music of which is always playing.
I have met COLs who are lost in the process and know that they will find themselves again, if they will allow healing to happen. Yes, they have to work on the process, it is not automatic when they choose not to 'see', but the path is an easy one to return to when they allow themselves to, it just takes commitment.