The Making of a Child of Light continues

Energy moves in a continuous dance,
through light and shadow.

Stillness is not a pattern of the universe, although there are moments in the patterns where things can seem still. Stagnation is a lesson kept brief; we know it and flow from it. It forces change. The world that the angels fell into knew stagnation. It knew death and dis-ease and
dis-comfort. It knew no joy, nor peace nor healing, for they are things of Light, and light no longer moved in that world. But nothing remains the same. The Creator calls always to its children, and eventually all will hear. One day in one of those moments of stillness I heard. And I answered. And I began the journey Home.

Lessons are learned even when the teachers are pain and fear, and the pain and fear I saw around me began to wear on the confusion in my mind. It began to show me myself, and for a time the dissatisfaction fed me well, but it was not enough. I do not remember the moment that I woke up and looked for change, but it happened and I did what I have seen other fallen angels do since. I turned my back on Samael and looked for Light.

To return to the presence of the Creator one must go through a Sacred Gate. These are energy vortexes that are placed all over the planets of Earth and others. To find a gate when you are a negative energy form is not easy, but gates appear from time to time to allow movement between the planes. When a gate appears it is protected on both side, by Light and Dark, for the exchange of energy between those two planes is strictly monitored.

Samael cannot refuse to let demons go into 'judgment' but she does not make it easy, for she teaches of an unforgiving God and annihilation of all that defied It. To reach the gate each demon must run a gauntlet of her peers, and that gauntlet is designed to break her spirit, inspire her fear, and in my case anger, and throw her straight back into the darkness from which she is trying to emerge. I do not know how many times I tried the gauntlet, but I know it was more than once.

In this lifetime I have seen three fallen angels run the gauntlet and make it to through the gate. The last one, and the one I shared with another watcher, was the most traumatic, for the angel faltered in strength and fell. You cannot kill a demon eternally, but you can damage them greatly - and she was severely damaged. She had almost made it through, so I prayed for her - actually I begged for help from my angels, remembering my own journey - and asked the other people in our rescue group to pray for her. We asked for intervention so that Michael angels, solid, pure and beautiful, could walk from the gate, through the gauntlet, and pick her up. And they did.

For a demon to return Home she must walk the gauntlet herself. If she falters and turns back she is lost, so the angelic Michael helped her to walk the last few metres, keeping her toes on the ground so that she tiptoed into the gate and went Home. And then the human watchers cried, and the others in the group shook, and we talked in whispers, and went to our homes early, overwhelmed by what we had felt and seen - Heaven at work among the demons.

Heaven among the demons

Here is where I remember most clearly .. I passed through the gate into a place of Light, of LIGHT so bright and blinding that I could not see, and in my fear, fell to my knees and thought of annihilation. But it did not come.

Instead I was lifted to my feet by two angels of the Michael and taken before a Being so pure of Light that I knew it could only be the Source and I was stripped to the core of all that I was, all that I had been and all that I would become - and I was asked again to choose. In that moment of supreme helplessness I was Loved. If I had chosen the dark again because of fear, I would have gone back knowing I was accepted for myself, in all my imperfections, in all the rage and fear that threatened to overwhelm me - instead I was asked to exercise the free will that I had attained through demonic existence, to use that free will to undo what I had done, to recreate what I had destroyed, to repair what I had damaged, and return to Light those things that I had taken away - first being myself and the next being Truth, my Truth, Me.

The first Truth was Love and the memory of my angelic existence, and my choice to fall and why. What then returned was the knowledge that Samael had lied, that she was the Father of Lies and I hated again. But this could not 'be' and it was stripped from me. Standing in that stillness, surrounded and enveloped in LOVE, I knew that my free will was my gift to Spirit, and that it was still mine. The Creator took nothing from me, and gave everything. It gave me choice. It protected my freewill and honoured my choices. In that moment I could be anything, go anywhere, do anything, with love and acceptance. I was free in a way Samael could not understand, and Loved in a way that broke my heart and filled me with joy. In that moment I gave my Love and loyalty back to the Creator - and then I was asked by the Mother energies, the nurturing Spirit that abides, and Loves, and lives among humanity - those entities that I had done the greatest harm to - to return to the denser energies, to struggle and trial and torment as I found my own way into the place of peace that existed inside me in this moment. To find it again among the trials and patterns of karma. To become human.

Is that heaven? It was Heaven for me. To be able to repay, to balance the slate and wipe clean my transgressions. To be again worthy of Heaven, when I held the fear that this would never be so. It has taken many lifetimes for me to understand that we are always worthy of Heaven regardless of what we have done.

I was to go among those beings I had tormented for their energy and have them know me as something different from them, although I wore the same 'face'. I would fall again under the ruling of the Father of Lies, and be recognised by her also and hated for my betrayal, but being redeemed by the Light was a greater gift and joy than any moment in the dark could be a torment, and the decision was easy.

And so I returned, not as a grown person, but as a helpless child - caught up on the karma wheel as all humans are. And I came into the world with a strong desire to 'normal' and an equally strong one to hide.

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